I know that I am not an easy person to live with. I demand that the people around me do their best - at whatever task they have set out for themselves - every single time. I do not accept people deciding to fail or taking the easiest path. I demand that you work to your potential, every time. I'm not demanding 'perfection' (certainly not!), just that people engage with reality and do their best, at whatever task they're performing. Otherwise, what's the point? You're checking out of life, really.
I've lost friends in the past because of this stance, and it continues to be a problem in relationships I have today.
What do you think?
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ReplyDeleteI think it is always a dangerous thing to try to make others conform to a standard that you have. The reason why I say this is because every person is on a different life path. Joe might need to learn to NOT take everything so seriously and scrupulously, while Jane does. We might think it is in their best interest to do everything 100%, but we cannot see beneath the surface of every persons destiny or life lessons. Common sense and logic might dictate that your standard is a very beneficial thing for everyone to live up to, but life certainly is not the same for every person and sometimes the most illogical and "stupid" choices that people make in life might be EXACTLY what they need to experience and need. Its good to want the best for everyone, without question, but everyone's best is certainly not the same. That's just my two cents anyways. :)
ReplyDeleteFirst, I totally respect that most people disagree with me on this, but I feel like I need to clarify my position.
ReplyDeleteIt's not that I have a standard of what acceptable performance is, and that everyone should live up to that. It's not even that I think we need to take everything seriously all the time. I totally get that there's a time and a place for 'mental health days', or 'taking the c instead of the a'... but I expect that when one does those things, it's because that's the best they can do at the time.
I understand that people have different paths through life, that everyone has their own level of what their 'best' is. And I DEFINITELY do not think that everyone needs to meet some external, pre-determined, societally-created idea of 'success'.
What I meant by my comment, is that you need to be doing the best that YOU can do, at that particular moment, and not be willfully checking out. If the best you can do at that moment is call in sick to work and lay in bed watching movies all day, cool. But if you don't really 'need' to do that, and really COULD go do your job, but just don't 'feel' like it...well, that's where I take issue.
Here's an example. I taught an intro sociology course last semester. One of my students was a super smart guy, totally got the material, and could have been an A+ student. But, he was also working, plus volunteering at a school helping disabled kids. So, his work in my class suffered a bit... he wasn't working to the level that he 'could have', if my class had been all he had to do. But, I recognized that he had other priorities as well, and in light of all that, he really WAS working to the best of his abilities for my class. He got an A+.
I had another student, similar capabilities and potential. However, he decided that going to the bar between classes and getting drunk, going outside and getting high, and generally not engaging with my class was HIS priority. He was not engaging or putting in his best effort - willfully. And so, he got a 'D'. The second student might have been doing what he 'wanted to' at the time, and that's totally cool - he should make those choices. But that doesn't mean I have to agree with his choices or be ok with them.
Another example: I have a friend who has totally checked out of life. He was a physicist, very 'successful', contributed good ideas to his field, etc. Then, one day, he decided to stop playing the game, moved into the bush, and now lives outside the grid. He's still giving his best effort...he stopped being 'successful' by society's standard, but he's still doing what he considers his 'best'...and so I think he's living 'his best life'.
Ok - further to the above - I guess what it comes down to is you know if you're making good or bad choices. If you think that what you're doing is 'your best', then awesome. But if you're a part of my life, and you tell me 'nope, making bad choices!' and you KNOW you're not working to your best at something, I'm going to not be ok with that. I don't have a level of 'this is ok' and 'this is not ok'... I rely on you to tell me that. I'm not the judge of whether you're a good person. But if you acknowledge that your behavior is 'not so good', then... I expect you to change it. Simple.
ReplyDeleteMake better sense?
I concur with your last statement.
ReplyDeleteReally really.
:-)
I think we are pretty much on the same page, just seeing it from different perspectives.
ReplyDeleteI certainly believe that you reap what you sow and that there is a big difference between what you want to do and what you need to do - FOR MYSELF. For me the issue here is SELF responsibility and not seeking to make others responsible for their choices. The two guys you mentioned in your comment are excellent examples of two difference choices. One you agreed with, one you didn't. Certainly the second dude, who was smart but did not try reaped what he sowed. This reaping and sowing is something that will happen to everyone regardless of what we think or feel. That being the case, if I have someone in my life that is close to me and I don't like their choices, that they are not doing their best, I seek to encourage them in a positive way. If they chose to go down a road that I think is a poor choice I realize that this is something they must go through, regardless of how I feel. Sure, I do what I can in a positive way to bring light and energy for them, but ultimately it is their life and I must find peace in myself in that.
For me there are SO MANY factors involved, internal, external and spiritual, that for me I just cannot make things black and white. I can't say "if you 'check out' and not want to do your best then our friendship/relationship is done" It takes A LOT for me to end a relationship. If they chose to go a different way then so be it, but I try to allow everyone to be who they are and not to judge them. They might need to make some pour choices for deeper purposes and life lessons down the road. Those choices will have consequences for good or for bad (at the present time) and I will make my own choices because of them, but I really try not to judge them because, as I have experienced in life, the poor choices that I have made in the past were some of the most powerful learning lessons and in the long run helped me more than hurt me.
So I think we are pretty much saying the same thing in different ways. :)
Yes, I agree... I think we're (as it seems we do) saying the same thing but from different perspectives. :) I agree with your above statement, and that's pretty much what I was saying. Personal accountability, but don't expect ME to say 'good job!' when you do something that you know wasn't the best you could do. If you tell me 'nope, not the best I could do', expect me to expect better next time. If you consistently DON'T do better next time, and it impacts my life, I think I have a right to be unhappy about that.
ReplyDeleteTHAT'S what I was saying. :)
You were saying what now? ;)
ReplyDelete